Sunday, August 22, 2010

What the f*** is a zombie anyway?

Which of the following are zombies:
(answers at the end)
The term ‘zombie’ refers to bit of voodoo mythology in which a normal person is brought back to life by a bokor. This is very different from the contagious reanimation so popular in our culture, which is interpreted in so many different ways that a singular definition seems nearly impossible.
However, I have narrowed it down to a simple definition:
A zombie is a human corpse that has reanimated, AND seeks to kill living humans.
This is synonymous with the living dead, the dead [in zombie fiction], mush-brain, mush-head, shamble, lurker and dozens of other terms.
So using this simple definition, which of our subjects are zombies?

  • Poorly drawn serial killer.
  • Trying to kill you, but very much alive.
  • Not a zombie.
  

  • Romero type-2 shamblers.
  • Dead. Trying to kill you.
  • Definitely zombies.
  • 28 days later rage-zombies
  • Dead. Trying to kill you.
  • Definitely zombies.
  
  • Neighbor lady inviting you to a ‘jewelry party’
  • Dead. Trying to hook you in pyramid sales scheme--which may destroy your soul, but does not technically ‘kill’ you.
  • Not a zombie*.
*Warning: resist urge to put this horrible creature out of its misery, such an action will result criminal charges.