Monday, August 9, 2010

My apocalypse of choice: The Living Dead

Oh no, The Living Dead!
You may question the wisdom of this, but please, allow me to explain:

First thing to know about the living dead is that they are dumb. Fast or slow; viral, alien, or demonic, the dead are dumb. ALL dead are dumb. This is why we will always beat them, despite the gross myths perpetuated by our popular media.

Consider the mob. That is what zombies are, a mindless mob of arbitrary size. Have you ever seen a mob, or been in one? You ever watch a mob? They are delightfully easy to predict, easy to manipulate, easy to control. As are zombies.

The living dead are also easy to contain. Ever see a mob break through a concrete barricade? And you never will. Why? They can't. It is not physically possible. Concrete beats human flesh and bone every time, as surely as rock beats scissors.

Dumb, easy to predict, easy to control and easy to contain. Compare this with SARS, nukes, or the Rapture. Can you contain the Rapture? Nope.

So...

If the world is going to end, I hope it is by zombies, because you can fight zombies, and you will most likely win.

Give me zombies, a shovel, and a couple dogs. Me, my family, and my neighbors will do just fine (if we can learn to live without the Internet).


Don't worry, Fido, we're perfectly safe!

1 comment:

So I wrote this book... said...

Agreed! Living without the 'net would be interminable.