Status -- June 22, 2009

Still in rewrites.

July finish is unlikely, August finish is feasible. I am in the second to last section that needs rewritten with only a few thousand words left to be re-written. After this, the story is done and I will turn to clean up and editorial work. This will include a consistency pass (hair color, clothing, usage, spelling, etc.), then a character voice pass, then a trim-the-fat pass. Somewhere in there I will have 3-5 other writers read it and let me know what they think (pacing, story arcs, emotions, characters and such).

At this point, I am still sitting well over 100K, so I need to cut 20-25% of the current material. That will be painful, as that will cut into the meat, but this story needs a fast pace and it is my belief that it will sell faster if shorter.

I am also nearing the 1-year point for working on this project. My original estimate was for 6 months. It will end up at 13 or 14 at least, and I will not be shocked if it runs longer.

There are some lessons to be learned here which should make the next one 20-30% faster, but the voice of doubt is telling me I might have made more progress with a year of short stories.

Kindle 2 Review -- as a reader and as a writer

If you shop Amazon, you have probably been assaulted by an unrelenting barrage of advertizing for the Kindle. If you love books, you have probably heard of it. If you live in a cave, read on because this is something you need to know about.

I received a Kindle-2 for my birthday. I love it--but this electronic book is not a good value. I will explain that in moment. This is a wonderful device for an avid reader, and it is also a very useful tool for writers.

Why I love it:

• The Kindle (and probably any other electronic book) offers a very compact way to store books, and a pleasant way to read them. It is small, light and has long battery life.
  
• The screen is small, about 2/3 the size of a paperback book, but it offers high contrast and is very readable under almost any lighting condition.
  
• The font size is easy to change. I usually use a small font during the day, and switch to a larger font at night (tired eyes, lower light). A friend who is visually impaired loves it because he can easily read content using the larger fonts.
  
• It can hold a ridiculous number of books. I currently have about fifteen books and about fifty samples.
  
• You can load your own documents to it.
  
• Unlike a book, you never lose your place, you can set bookmarks wherever you want, you can clip text and download it to your computer, you can make notes as you read.
  
• Unlike a book, it has a built in dictionary and free web access (direct line to Wikipedia).
  
• My favorite feature: you can download samples for free. I love this as I can try a book or new author for free. The samples are generous, 20-30 pages, and give a feel for the book. If you don’t like it...delete it. If you like it, you can buy the whole thing right from the Kindle.
  

Why I love it as a writer:

• You can easily put your own work on it.
  
• For me, this offers three benefits:
  
• First, it helps me to read as a reader when I am revising. When I read my stuff on the Kindle, it looks like the ‘real’ books I read on it. I can see exactly how the work looks on the page relative to other books. This helps me see what is working and what isn’t and it distances me from the work so I can evaluate it more objectively.
  
• Second, it allows me to carry my work with me wherever I go. This lets me do read-throughs (and take notes) anywhere, anytime.
  
• Third, it allows me to show people my work.
  
• The only down-side to this is that the formatting is dicey--it took me about 8 iterations to find formatting that came across readable on the Kindle and it was a trial and error thing...I don’t know why it finally worked, and I don’t know why earlier formats failed. In addition, features such as tables of contents and headings seem twitchy and you do not appear to be able to choose your own font.

Why it is not a good value:

• The Kindle is VERY expensive. Other devices in this price range offer a ton of features (email, games, color screens, large amounts of memory, music, voice recording, configurable content and displays).
  
• Kindle books are VERY expensive. They cost more than paperbacks. As they are ‘free’ to print and distribute, it seems odd that they are more expensive than paperbacks (which cost about $3 to produce, including the 80 cents or so that goes to the author). Is Amazon insane? Or are they trying to rip us off?
  
• Kindle books have draconian DRM, such that you do not really own them (and they can become unavailable at any time, even though you purchased them). This has apparently been a nightmare for people who moved from the Kindle-1 to the Kindle-2 as many books they had purchased would not transfer to the new device. Amazon’s customer service: you can buy the Kindle-2 version if you still want the book -- no refund, no credit.
  
• Kindle books have none of the benefits of a traditional book -- they cannot be shared, traded or borrowed. They have no residual value after purchase.
  
• The Kindle is a beta product. The first Kindle was a piece of crap. The Kindle-2 is better, but it is still a prototype. Still something under development. Not ready for prime time. They actually describe about half the features as “experimental”. So why does it cost more than an iPhone?
  
• The keyboard sucks. It is hard to type on (much harder than smaller devices like Blackberries and cell phones). It is unresponsive. It takes up about 1/3 the total length of the unit. A flip out keyboard or touch screen would work much better. Expect disappointment if you want to type longer notes or try to ‘write’ on it. Did Amazon involve any engineers in the design of this product?
  
• It is a heavily marketed profit making machine for Amazon. Amazon makes about 500% more profit per book sale on the Kindle than it does for a conventional book. As you might imagine, this incentivizes them to try and push everything toward the Kindle.
  
• It marries you to Amazon as they are the only source of Kindle content distribution. It gives them a monopoly on your content.
  
• Amazon has notoriously bad customer service, especially when it comes to the Kindle. Not honoring warranties, charging absurd repair and battery replacement fees, and pushing out new versions without informing or accommodating users of the previous version.

Conclusions:

• I genuinely think this is the future of books. There are a lot of kinks to work out, and Amazon needs to normalize the price points and marketing strategy, but in ten years I think this kind of device will have supplanted traditional print.
  
• I enjoy, use it every day and will probably continue to do so.
  
• It is also a valuable writing tool.
  
• When it falls below ~$150, it will be a good value.
  
• When books fall to the $3-5 range, they will be a good value.
  
• I predict 3rd party books will become available, and I predict more free content will become available, both of which will make the Kindle a better value.
  
• For now, buy one if you have obscene amounts of money or can write it off as a business expense (a writer can). Better yet, get one as a gift (you will feel less ripped off). You also might consider waiting for the Kindle-3 (probably in about a year) as it will probably be the first mature version of the product.
  
• Finally, if you wait, the price will probably come down--Amazon simply cannot get the market penetration they need at the current price point.

Status -- May 25, 2009

Made good headway over the long weekend. I had a six-chapter sequence that dragged (“The Crumble”). Thought I could put some Band-Aids on it, but that did not work out. So, I have spent a little over a month gutting the section, replacing it with more action and drama and writing a slew of new material. I have just finished the new bits and I’m ready to stitch in some parts of the old that I am keeping.

A couple weeks ago, I went through the old chapters and line-by-line decided what to keep, what to cut and what to re-write. I now have a heavily annotated file to work from to bring things back to the main plot line.

What in this is useful for other writers? Well, I suggest reading your copy in print. It looks different, it reads different. It helped me see some problems, and some strengths in the parts I was reading and it also fueled some good brainstorming on the characters and the world. For me at least, I read hard-copy more like a read books...I will skim spots, I will get drawn in at others and I won’t be as tempted to edit each line and paragraph as I go along.

In reading hardcopy I use simple marks and only take longer notes at chapter breaks. I use a “+” for good pages, a squiggle “~~” for bad pages, “CC” for continuity check if I think I’ve contradicted myself and “OOC” if the characters are behaving or speaking out of character. I will also squiggle or circle words or phrases that need work, but I won’t rework them in hardcopy.

For this revision, I also x’ed out parts to be cut, and used “A” for adapt (as in take this part and rework to fit the new middle) and “K” for keep as is.

Also sent in the next couple chapters to the writing group here in town. Curious to see what they think.

This puts me about 2/3 through this draft, with 1 more draft and a few weeks of clean up before it is ready for prime time. Not sure that I will get there by August, in fact I suspect it will be later but I will press on none the less.

Rant: Strunk and White -- a blight on the English language

A writing topic I often find myself in arguments about is the merit and validity of the oft-cited reference The Elements of Style. Mandated by high school English teachers everywhere, this is apparently the only grammar reference many writers own.

I hate it. I have always hated it, ever since it first left a foul taste in my mouth my freshman year. Oddly, most writers--well, greater than 51% of the writers I have had this conversation with--adore it. They worship it. They cite it as an authority on grammar. Which it is not, and which it was never intended to be (really--just read White’s introduction).

Like most religious schisms, these discussions ultimately go nowhere. The Strunkians go forth grasping to their chests a dog-eared copy of the worst book ever written on the English language, while the rest of us go on to learn grammar and adopt our own styles.

Anyway, people with grammar expertise far superior to my own have now thoroughly and irrefutably debunked this horrible book. They explain its many grotesqueries and weaknesses eloquently and in great detail so I will refer you to the primary sources rather than trying to paraphrase:

• Grammar Girl, the noted grammar podcaster, has this to say: Episode 166: April 17, 2009
  
• Grammarian and linguist Geoffrey Pullman shreds S&W in "50 Years of Stupid Grammar Advice"
  

Nuff said.

Status -- May 15, 2009

Still reworking the Crumble section. I had previously believed (back in March) this section would be a snap to revise...just needing a simple clean up of a couple chapters. However, I have been beating on this for over a month and it has turned into a total re-write with two new major characters and a completely different plot in this section. I am frustrated by the time this is taking, but it is starting to come together with some good suspense, better opportunities to introduce backstory, a menacing view of the villain, and significantly greater jeopardy for one of the protagonists.

Probably another week or two are needed to make all these changes, but this previously weak section is now one of the best sections in the manuscript.

As this new material is rough, it will need a few more clean-up passes before I am satisfied. At least I am starting to feel better about my progress on the novel and the project’s momentum is returning.

In other news... a pile of rejections on short stories have come in (discouraging), but one editor dropped a note that a story had made the first cut (encouraging).

Status - -May 1, 2009

The short story “’56” came out in Fusion Fragment, that is quite exciting. Have a look.

The book is trundling along--still working edits to section 4 (The Crumble). This is the second of three areas that needed to be gutted. I had hoped to get through all of them in April, but it is slow going. This is part of the process I have trouble with--going in a new direction, yet trying to retain the good elements of what is being replaced. It’s not that hard when I sit down and do it, but I feel no drive toward it and other concerns occupy my mind and I endlessly procrastinate.

The latest “done” projection was August, but I’m now about three weeks behind that and it looks like 1-2 weeks more on this section. Frustrating.

The good news is that I’ve gone back to cleaner sections for a mental break, and have found some good writing there. These sections are fun to read and I enjoy doing little edits on them. However, such excursions are really just a form of procrastination and I am trying to focus myself on the task at hand.

Book analysis: The Forest of Hands and Teeth

My analysis of The Forest of Hands and Teeth
by Carrie Ryan.

Carrie, if you read this: it’s a good first try, and I wish you luck with the next one.

TFHT is a novel set long after a zombie apocalypse, when the world has reverted to a rural substance society, isolated by zombie fences and vast forest plagued by the undead. The story is told 1st person, present tense (a poor choice which I found distracting). The world building is interesting, though inconsistent, and the writing is compelling enough to draw a reader along despite a terribly annoying protagonist.

The story centers on a young girl who spends most of the book uselessly emoting, whining about things that are easy to fix, and doing stupid things that get her friends and family killed. As you may have guessed, I did not connect with the protagonist.

The good things:

It has a very strong 1st chapter. Chapter one starts with some beautiful imagery, then in just 9 well written pages, it sets up nearly every conflict and relationship in the book. This is the right way to start the book (and the main reason I bought it).

By using short paragraphs (few more than three sentences long) and very short chapters (averaging 7 pages), the author keeps up a brisk pace.

Most chapters end with a hook: a cliffhanger or unanswered question.

Most chapters begin with a hook: a twist or new, surprising information.

It has some good world building. TFHT presents a reasonable scenario for a post-zombie apocalypse world where we basically lost, but a few pockets of people survived. There is a well-developed society that appears to have survived for generations in a zombie-infested forest. An interesting, though inconsistent, zombie mythos is presented. Its most original facet is the concept that zombies hibernate when no living are nearby, allowing them to survive for decades in a dormant state.

The social extrapolation with fences, dedicated defenders, drills and escape platforms is good. However, the obvious way to deal with these zombies over a period of decades is to actively kill a few dozen each day so that over time, there are none left. Another way to dispatch them is to use passive defenses that entangle and dismember them as they mindlessly attack. Either way, survivors would take action to thin the zombie ranks rather than idly waiting for them to break through the fence (as presented in this book). Ah well, something future zombie novels can improve upon.

The bad:

Writing drops off after first chapter. Very little imagery is used, and what little there is relies overmuch on simile. The descriptions tend to be simple, generic, and often confusing. There is also a lot of repeated description. The worst one: “tears burning my throat.” This shows up at least twenty times. The overall writing is so different from the brilliant first chapter that it feels there were two different authors at work here.

A deeply unsatisfying ending. Spoiler alert! In the last three chapters, everyone but the undeserving protagonist die. This wraps up all the dangling plot points, but ruins the book.

Poorly developed characters. None of the characters, even the protagonist, are well developed. The boys are one dimensional -- generic, faceless automatons devoid of any personality who are strangely devoted to the protagonist who mistreats them and gets them all killed. The best friend is only described as “sunshine” and displays no personality at all (less than one-dimensional).

Inconsistent world. The zombies change throughout the book. At first, they are weak, harmless things easily held back by a dilapidated fence. Later, they can smash through doors and floors in seconds. And their numbers vary from twos and threes, to countless hundreds depending more on the author’s whim than any logic.

Unsympathetic protagonist. The protagonist is sympathetic at first, a dreamer and an outcast. The problem is, when several other characters rally around her, she remains 100% selfish and I think most readers will quickly come to hate her. She rarely takes direct action, waiting instead for a dues-ex-machina to appear and force the plot one way or another. She gets tripped up by simple problems that could be solved with two lines of dialogue or five seconds of direct action. She gets her friends and family killed one at a time, feeling bad for a few pages after each death before doing the same thing to the next person, whittling them away one-by-one until she is the sole survivor. Never does she see her own mistakes, never does she learn, and never does she try to do better. So the set up is good—it generates reader empathy. But she does not maintain that through the rest of the book.

Unrealistic / unbelievable action. This problem is inconsistent, there are some good action sequences, exciting fun, compelling. But there are a number of gaffes in the action sequences are so bad they unintentionally prove to be the most entertaining element of the book. The first: A puppy proves more effective than a sword (and is used as the dues-ex-machina twice to save the protag from certain death). The second: the helpless protagonist proves more effective in battle than trained, seasoned zombie fighters. It’s not just the juxtaposition of roles, it’s that she displays this kind of emo-rage that gives her super-human zombie fighting powers but only when she is emotionally overwrought. While in an emo-rage, she is able to kill zombies left and right, lopping multiple heads with a single swing of her mighty axe, able to fight on through hundreds of zombies...while just 1 or 2 prove a match for the trained zombie-fighters traveling with her. Weird. Unintentional. Laugh-out-loud funny.

Terrible dialogue. This is by far the worst part of the book. A typical dialogue in the book is: cardboard boy says one word. Protagonist emotes about the implications of that word for a page or more and often doesn’t even reply. Boy follows up with an incomplete sentence. Protag emotes for another page. Boy storms off. Protag emotes some more, repeating much of what she has already emoted about in previous pages. Some chapters consist entirely of this. It is painful to read and bears no resemblance to real human interaction or even to literary dialogue. It is so bad that several times I had to put the book down. Carrie, if you read this please study up on the dialogue before you turn in the next book.

So, that’s the writing analysis. Mimic pace. Improve on the world building, avoid TFHT-esque dialogue and useless, long-winded emoting. And while this is not a book-review, the book is entertaining in that quick-read-by-the-pool way, but it missed some really good opportunities for exploring the world and the characters and parts are downright hard to sit through. I’d give it three stars.